Old Boy 'Career Breaks'

Well, our junior trader is leaving today; he didn't qualify for gardening leave and instead had his market access revoked, and so has been our tea boy for the last fortnight. He certainly personifies the cocky Essex youth that is the stereotype of the modern City barrow boy trader - if his performance had lived up to even a tenth of that arrogance I suspect he would not be on his way. However he has spent the last week loudly proclaiming he knows the head of an obscure hedge fund (I had to look it up), and will soon be landing a job there.

Either that or he's desperately insecure about his failure to make it here. Naturally we're all assuming the latter for now, and the Desk is running a sweepstake on how long it will actually take him to secure a new position. The stipulation is that it has to be a City job - I've gone for a nice, round 10 months.

Either way he really does seem to have something about him with the girls in the office. Several of them seemed upset at his leaving ceremony this morning. On that note, leaving speeches really are one of the most vacuous aspects of corporate life, but today was a rare exception. The Boss used the occasion to impress us with his leadership and oratory skills, his speech ran thus:

"I would.. err.. first like to say a few words to thank [junior trader] for his outstanding contribution to the Desk and [bank]". We waited expectantly, while the Boss shuffled his feet, clearly not sure what to say next. Bless him, he's never been particularly good at thinking on his feet.

"I know that [junior trader] will be very much missed by many in the team". Whole team turns to look at the PA whom he was rumoured to be shagging - several give her a knowing wink.

"He has contributed a great deal throughout his relatively short time here such as.. err.. " Boss shuffles again uncomfortably, now aware he has not got a clue what the junior trader has actually been doing. Several in the team give the PA another wink - presumably a reference to junior traders actual 'contribution'.

"..such as helping Mark and Gary on the Emerging Markets desk." The Boss was clearly relieved to have strung the whole sentence together, meanwhile I had been toying with whether I should interrupt this nonsense with a few prompts to help him out. I did find my eyes constantly drawn to junior trader's dinner plate ears meantime. Should any of my future children end up with such a recessive gene, I pledge now to ensure they have whatever surgery it takes on their 18th birthday to enable them to hear behind them.

Fittingly I was in the 'Barrow Boy and Banker' last night with some non-City friends, and it still surprises me how so many of the old stereotypes persist about the City. In particular, one of the most outdated is the assumption that the entire place is a plummy, old boys network that relies exclusively on nepotism as the fuel for new entrants. There is the odd backwater such as the Lloyds reinsurance market and some niche private banks, where that is the case, but by and large nothing could be further from the truth. The invasion of Wall Street fortunately ended that particularly unpleasant aspect of the City, and I can honestly say it is now one of the most meritocratic places in the world.

Well with the weekend approaching, L and I need to confirm our holiday plans, and meantime have the good fortune of cat sitting for my brother all weekend. Either way it will be an improvement on the office tedium.